Declutter and let it hurt

The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt. And what is ironic is that it is probably the one emotion no one would ever choose to feel if given the choice. Unfortunately for us, there's no such thing as choice when it comes to pain and I think this is a reality most of us try to escape. Looking back, I realise now that I never actually allowed myself to just be. It was always about putting something else first. Whether it was putting my books first or working on a particular goal or trying to sustain my relationships with those around me, which I admit is something I have never really been great at or just filling every second my life with a busy schedule so I never have a moment to do what at that point in time I had thought was to be overthinking. It was not until I read a book titled "Present Over Perfect" that I understood why I did that. In this book the author explains how from her experiences, she chose a life full of clatter to avoid the silence that takes over when everything finally settles down and all you have are your thoughts. She mentions that choosing the clatter was a way of avoiding her own outstanding issues, things she was either scared to think about, things that if she thought of would hurt her or even things about herself she didn't want to face. And I think this is something quite relatable. Why am I talking about all this now? Because one of the things we try to avoid by filling our lives with so much clatter is pain and understandably so. That feeling of hurt and anguish usually ( not always) caused by a traumatic experience, who would willingly choose to feel that? And so we try so hard to always be busy, to always have something next on the schedule or be surrounded by noise ( not necessarily loudness, anything that poses as a distraction counts as noise) so as to avoid our thoughts diverting to certain events and us being forced to face the realities of what has happened and how it has affected us. The problem with postponement of dealing with trauma is that most of us never deal with our issues because we assume we can just sweep them under the rug and forget all about them. Wrong. Because what that does is create more room for these emotions to build up until they become too heavy to keep locked up and we are forced to face what we have been running from all along. You see the misperception is that trauma always has to have been caused by something extreme like assault which is far from the truth. The reality is that a place of hurt can be anything that one experiences and leaves a mark on them. It is any event that may lead into social withdrawal or a state of denial and there are plenty of things that can cause this. An example would be child abandonment which may lead to fear of abandonment or perhaps broken trust which may lead to trust issues (and yes trust issues is a thing). And all the while we think denying the pain we feel will eventually lead to it all disappearing someday soon. Well, tough luck my friend. Denial postpones the breakdowns and meltdowns and even allows you to escape the pain for a while, but you are far from correct if you think it will cancel it all together. Denial does not take away the pain. Yes, one may choose to feel numb but eventually when the pressure of it all becomes heavy enough and you can no longer put on the facàde of bravery, that is when you will realize how much more painful it becomes to deal with something you kept in for so long. So while it may be difficult to face the trauma now, it'll save you so much damage later on. And I know I keep preaching about trauma and how it is important to come to terms with the things that cause us pain but perhaps you are wondering why. Maybe you are questioning why it is so important to deal with these things. The simple answer is that until you have dealt with your issues, you'll never be completely happy. You'll never be at peace because every time you get a step closer to being at that place where you've always wanted to be, something will always pull you back. You'll always have reservations and questions without answers and you'll never allow yourself to be free because a part of you will always be holding you in that same place of hurt and until that is worked on, you'll keep taking involuntary visits to that same place you are trying to escape from. So once again, while it may truly be hard to allow ourselves to be in a place of hurt and vulnerability, while accepting the fact that that person left or that friend broke your trust or that relative completely broke you, it is worth remembering that it is better to let it hurt when it hurts. This saves us from living with issues that haunt and taunt us and make life more difficult then it already is. It saves us from letting the issues of the past have control over our present and future.