Vulnerability isn't weakness

You aren't weak for being vulnerable"... It's hardly an easy phrase to come by. Atleast from where I come from it's not. More often than not I've been told to just hold the tears in till I'm at a place where no one can see. Or I've told myself to bite my tongue or think of something else so I stop the tears before they get a chance to flow. And when the hurt became too overwhelming and I couldn't help it, the feeling of bitterness at the thought of seeming weak would take over before the tears have even dried up. "You promised you wouldn't do this" I'd reprimand myself for letting myself feel. I'd hate myself for not numbing out the pain, for not being strong enough thinking that being vulnerable only makes me seem weak. That people would only think of me as fragile and emotionally unstable. And perhaps I wasn't so wrong about that. Obviously I was wrong for worrying more about what people would say or think in a moment where I should have been more worried about myself but was I wrong when it comes to the perception we have of vulnerability?Just the other day I had a conversation with one of my closest friends about mental health and why it seems, most of our parents don't really seem to understand it yet. Don't get me wrong, I know this does not apply to every parent and perhaps most even understand the concept of it but then we came to this question; why then is mental health becoming more and more of an issue and yet still remains one of those topics people prefer to keep under the wraps? Why does it continue to be a conversation people aren't yet ready to have with their young ones at home like they do teenage pregnancy or other issues people seem to deem more important? Well, I came the conclusion that with all the history of black people's oppression ( I don't really want to dig deeper into history), it's quite evident that our parents, just like their parents were raised to be strong. To always wear this facade of indestructibility and this is why even seeing our own parents break down would come as a shock. And perhaps the reason for this was to serve as an armour, to not show the oppressors any weakness. To be honest it's even almost understandable why one wouldn't have time for what seemed like a petty thing like depression when there were bigger problems like apartheid to deal with. Thing is, this is no longer a war and one doesn't have to wear an armour of indestructibility because the truth is that breaking down is human nature. Falling apart is normal and allowing one's self to feel is something we are all suppose to allow ourselves to do. This is a conversation not many of us have had growing up and so we feel the need to always appear calm and collected like we have everything figured out even when we are messed up on the inside. We feel the need to never show vulnerability because according to the picture painted for us, that's what weakness looks like. It's actually heartbreaking to see that people are so uncomfortable with seeking for help. I for one never feels comfortable asking for anything. Not even when I'm forced to. And when I absolutely have no choice but to ask, it's just the most uncomfortable thing in the world. Good news is not everyone can relate to this. Some people are totally normal and have no problem admitting needing help when they do. I just wish this was something we all had the chance to be told when we were younger. That it is okay to be in a state of vulnerability. That it's totally normal to need help and support and not feel weak and fragile. That one doesn't have to be "emotionally adjusted" to be seen as strong because strength comes from the things one endures, deals with and finally overcomes. Not the things one sweeps under the rug never to be felt. And it is actually quite ironic but people who have been broken aren't weak because they have had the courage to face adversity and still came out standing. This is as opposed to those who keep everything locked up and walk around like a ticking time bomb on the verge of explosion due to the magnitude of the baggage they carry every waking moment . How you choose to go through the hardships you face does not define your ability to be resilient. Take note of this the next time you feel the need to appear strong. That it is okay to break every once in a while because you are only human and it is human nature to feel.